Saturday, August 28, 2010

Practical Horse Quiz

Recently on Fugly Horse of the Day the blogger posited that horse owners should be required to pass a test prior to acquiring an equine and asked for potential test questions. There were quite a few responses with valid test questions for new owners, however there were a lot of questions that would not be required knowledge for a newbie horse person.

While driving around performing horsie errands, I formulated my own test based on my years of experience with horses and horse people... If you pass this test (70% or better), you probably will die in a horsing accident at 79 years of age. It was going to be longer, but I got tired... I’ll post proper answers when I get more time.

Yes... this do represent real life experiences.

This is multiple choice and yes, more than one answer may be appropriate:

A. You have owned a PITA 7/8 pinto Arab for 17 years. In the past, anytime he is in the slightest pain, he rolls over sticks all four feet in the air and begins groaning. You are about to go on a ride on your other horse and note that Mr. PITA is four feet up. You should:

  1. Call the vet
  2. Go on your ride anyway check him when you get back.
  3. Don’t go on a ride and check him in a few hours
  4. Check his gums for capillary refill time and his hydration.
  5. Give him bute.
  6. Give him bute and go on your ride, if he’s still sick, call the vet.
  7. Give him bute if the vet tells you to do so.

B. Your non-horsey Significant Other (S.O.) has long legs and you have a bench seat in your truck. Since you have short legs and his knees would touch the dashboard if you drive while hauling horses, your S.O. insists on driving. Your S.O. thinks that he/she is Speed Racer incarnate, takes two wheeled turns and has his/her foot either on the gas or on the brake. Your poor horses come out of the trailer foamy and white eyed. The best solution to this problem is:
  1. Talk to him about his driving and ask him to be kinder to the horses.
  2. Buy a truck with bucket or split seats.
  3. Teach him/her a lesson by tricking him into the trailer, lock him/her in and take him on a joy ride and drive as he/she did or worse.
  4. Don’t take your non-horsie S.O. with you when hauling horses.

C. You buy a butt-load of hay (13 tons or better) and paid with a check. This should last you a whole year. You open a bale and lo’ and behold the hay was green on the outside and moldy on the inside. You don’t know this hay provider that well but your neighbors have been buying hay from him for years. You should
  1. Have checked the hay before it was unloaded.
  2. Check more bales by pulling out the hay with a hay hook.
  3. Immediately go into the house and cancel the check.
  4. Call him and hope he comes and replaces the hay.
  5. Open a few bales first hoping that it was only that bale that was bad.

D. Your new horse normally snuffles around your hands for goodies, it’s annoying, but since you often oblige him, you can’t complain, however today when you offer him an apple, he snubs you. You should:
  1. Not worry about it, he’s probably not hungry.
  2. Shove the apple into in his mouth.
  3. Call the vet
  4. Check his gums for capillary refill time and his hydration.
  5. Give him bute.
  6. Give him bute if the vet tells you to do so.

E. You have loaded your horses into a trailer. You are ready to leave on a short trip to the trail down the road. You should:
  1. Head on down the road; the days half gone already.
  2. Check your lights.
  3. Check your connections.
  4. Check your chains.
  5. Check your tire pressure.
  6. Check the hitch.
  7. Check the door.

F. You’re looking for a horse to buy and you’ve found one that has the color, pedigree and training you want within your $5,000 price limit. You still think that what the person tells you over the phone is reasonably true and correct you make an appointment to see and potentially ride this prospect. You arrive at the horse owners “barn” and find a horse whose feet look as though they haven’t seen nippers or a rasp for the better part of three years. The toes are run-out, heels are crushed, walls and quarters are cracked and split. You stand there aghast, eyes agog, mouth open when the owners says, “What do you think.” You should:
  1. Run away!
  2. Politely state that this isn’t the horse your looking for and excuse yourself.
  3. Make nice statements about the horses conformations and excuse yourself.
  4. Evaluate the conformation of the horse, how it moves on the line and ask the owner to saddle and ride it for you.
  5. Give the owner a ration of shit about how, for fucks sake, anyone could expect someone to pay anywhere near $5K for a horse who needs AT LEAST a year of corrective trimming/shoeing.
  6. Think option 5. but don’t articulate it, offer them $500 for the horse to get it off the property and save it’s life and then turn them into animal control if they don’t agree.

G. Ol’ Stan (short for “old standby”), the horse you’ve owned for 15 years and ridden on the trail, hunter/jumper, quadrille, pole bending, barrel racing, team penning and various and sundry rail events, suddenly refuses to eat and is grinding his teeth. You should:
  1. Not worry about it, he’s probably not hungry.
  2. Offer him grain.
  3. Call the vet
  4. Check his gums for capillary refill time and his hydration.
  5. Give him bute.
  6. Give him bute if the vet tells you to do so.

H. You have just bought a trailer that you had checked over carefully by a trailer repair place BEFORE YOU BOUGHT IT. When you hook it up for the first time you realize that the chains drag the ground. You should:
  1. Not worry about it, the sparks add to the enjoyment of other drivers.
  2. Cross the chains.
  3. Twist the chains until they are off the ground.
  4. Don’t go anywhere until you’ve replaced the chains.

I. You’re still shopping for a horse and you’re off to look at an 11 year old gray OTTB mare. When you get there you realize that this is the same mare that you’ve been to look at a gobezillion times. The first time you saw her you should have been suspicious as to why a drop-dead gorgeous TB mare with a $500K record on the track wasn’t in the breeding shed (because she isn’t breeding sound) or that a mare with a great H/J record was selling for $1,500. But you vet check her and find out the reason why her trot is scissor-like is because she’s navicular. This time you show up while the owner is warming the mare up... You should:
  1. Inform the owner you’ll be back to see the mare when she’s cool, rested and in the paddock.
  2. Ride the horse anyway even though you know you’re not going to take her.
  3. Get the fuck out of there.
  4. Make small talk and leave.
  5. Tell the owner that you hear your mother calling you and you have to leave.

J. You’ve located another prospect in an area of town where there are a lot of working ranches. Aha! This may be the one. The owner is a grizzled old coot with an old stone barn, probably built right after the pioneers came through the alkali desert into Carson Valley. He’s got a bucket load of horses standing on top of crap that’s been there since the Comstock load. The horses are in reasonable condition and the one you’re looking at seems like a nice animal. You’ve ridden, and like the horse and ask when you can schedule a vet check. The coot replies that you can vet check but you cannot use the following vets and rattles off a long list of vets that includes your personal vet. You should:
  1. Inform him that you are not interested in the horse any longer.
  2. Inform him that the horse gets a vet check from your vet or it’s no deal.
  3. Use one of the vets he will allow on his property.
  4. Buy the horse because he rides nice.

K. You go out to look at another horse (FOR FUCK SAKE, WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE OVER) for sale. You hold out little hope that this animal may be anywhere near what you’re hoping for in a horse. When you arrive at the barn, you’re again aghast and agog again, but this time the state of the property. The horse is located in a 1 acre dry lot pasture cram packed with various pieces of farming equipment, skidoo’s, tractors, fencing, barrels, barbed wire (rolled and unrolled), uncapped T-posts both in and out of the ground, cars, trucks, bikes, spikes, hydrant spigots, et. al. To top it off the pasture is a hog wire fence (some of it only 2 feet high) with two strands barbed wire, some of which is broken. You see a nicely conformed 5 year old Quarter horse gelding in a plain brown package with a reasonable performance record who’s been living in this pasture since he was 3. He does not have a scratch or a scar on him. You should:
  1. Walk away.
  2. Ask some nice questions and walk away.
  3. Buy him.
  4. Ask the owner to ride him.
  5. Take him to a clean arena to evaluate him.

L. You’ve loaded up your horse trailer and you’ve walked around and checked your connections and lights. You get into truck and think, “Did I latch the back door securely?” But you also think, that you’ve done this so many times there is no way you didn’t check the latch. You should:
  1. Check the latch.
  2. Think about it for a moment and check the latch.
  3. Get out of the fuckin’ truck already and check the latch.

M. Your farrier has shown up, on time (surprise, surprise) and is pulling out his tools. While standing there with your horse tied to the hitching post, you point out that the your horses’ toes are longer than normal and that they were longer to start with and you’d like him to push back the toes and put half-rounds on to improve break over until the heals recover. He squints at you as he’s buckling his chinks and says, “Who’s the shoer here?” Your response should be:
  1. “Who pays you?”
  2. “You.”
  3. “You are, but I want my horses feet done my way.”
  4. Nothing, let him shoe the horse the way he thinks is best.

N. You’re working for the park service training youngsters. There is an old ex-stallion patrol horse who’s got a bit of arthritis and if you don’t ride him and/or keep him moving he gets real stiff and the patrons to the park fret and complain that he looks uncomfortable. You’re longing him and he stops and saunters into the center. When you swing your rope at him to keep moving, he whirls and strikes out at you with a hind foot and before you duck you can see nail heads and a frog. This event, plus the one where one of your cohorts was sent to the hospital by the same horse, you step in hollering and popping the longe whip. You work the fuck-stick until he’s blowing and dripping. Unbenowsnt to you, some park patrons witness the WHOLE event and complain, “Don’t hurt the horsie.” Your response should be:
  1. Threaten them with the whip.
  2. Ignore them.
  3. Try to calmly explain what has just happened.
  4. Tell them the horses background and talk to them about a horse’s size in proportion to your size and explain that you never actually hit the horse with the whip.

O. You’ve finally settled back into a horse routine after giving up horses for college and children. You’re riding regularly and enjoying it, although you’d feel safer if you had a riding buddy when you out and about in 27,000 acres of desert. A neighbor states that she’s like to ride with you but it becomes readily apparent that your new horsie partner is a total greenhorn and is dangerous to herself, her horse and you and your horse. You should:
  1. Ride with her, but be constantly vigilant in case of a wreck.
  2. Refuse to ride with her.
  3. Suggest she get riding lessons.
  4. Suggest she get riding lessons and refuse to ride with her.
  5. Give her riding lessons on your horse on your property.
  6. Give her riding lessons on her horse on her property.

P. You’re helping a friend find a bomb-proof packer because she can’t ride and really doesn’t know much about horses. A friend of a friend of a friend has a cute little 14.1 HH horse named Pagan who has been packing around kids for ever for sale at a reasonable price. You trailer your horse over to go for a quick ride in the wildlife sanctuary behind Pagan’s home. Pagan is sweet and mild mannered but he does a little hop as you across a 1 foot deep arroyo. Your friend falls off and is out. You catch Pagan, tie both horses to a fence (because it’s an emergency) and find out your friend unconscious and bleeding from her nose and her ears. You call 911 and they state that they’re sending a helicopter. What should you do with the horses before the helicopter arrives?
  1. Stand there holding the reins and hope for the best.
  2. Walk the horses down the fence line and tie them there and hope for the best.
  3. Wish you had brought halters.
  4. Unsaddle and unbridle them and let them free if they fight when the helicopter arrives.
  5. Tie their reins up in their throat latch and hold them if you can, otherwise let them free if they struggle too much.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Cold Water Causes Heart Attacks - Bullshit Alert!

I have a dear friend who forwards me numerous emails, most of them are entertaining, many of them are intended to inspirational, but sometimes they are out and out bullshit as is the email below.

Here is the gist of the "article" below: Cold water causes the oil in your system to coagulate and as happens in domestic sinks, plug up cardiac plumbing, resulting in a heart attack.

Jesus Christ on a stick, who makes up this stuff? I have a theory that a lot of this stuff is generated by intelligent, stoned under-achievers who, while contemplating their choice of munchie snack food, consider that the oil in said comestible may have some hazardous effect on their physiology. Or the stoner in question may be evaluating the effects of leaving dishwater in the sink over night (or for a week) and notice the ledge of congealed oil.

Whatever the cause, this is pure and utter trash. First off. Most dietary oils are not solid at body temperature. Second, water will not remain cold in the body for long because the interior of the body is considerably warmer than the accepted standard body temperature of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

Putatively, any oils in the stomach, where
only water and alcohol are absorbed, by the way, may be chilled to a solid state, but I doubt that they would remail solid by the time they dumped into the small intestine after twenty minutes in an environment that is at least 99 degrees Fahrenheit.

Considering that most dietary oils are liquid at body temperature, I would consider this a small problem... unless you're eating saturated fats derived from animals, and well in that case warm water won't do the trick either.

Fats that have been deposited in the muscles of animals slaughtered for human consumption are
NOT SOLUBLE EVEN IN WARM WATER! These are staturated fats they remain solid even at body temperature.

Considering that cold water doesn't remain cold for long in the body, one could assume that hot water doesn't stay hot for long either. However, it wouldn't matter how much hot tea or water or coffee or whatever you ate after a meal of meats filled with saturated fats, they're still going to be solid in the stomach until they are broken down by the small intestine into molecules that can be absorbed through the intestinal lining. Then if you don't exercise or limit your calorie intake substantially, those saturated fats will get redeposited into your body.

Besides these physiological facts, there is also the case for evolutionary adaptation. Let us consider that man or man-like creatures have used fire for 1.5 million years, but the development of pottery, which would be necessary for man to be able to drink hot beverages after a meal is approximately 30,000 years old. On an evolutionary scale, thirty-thousand years is but a speck. So I doubt that humans have developed a physiology that relies on the consumption of warm water. On the contrary, I would guess that cold beverages would be the norm.

Here is what I would advise:

1. Reduce the amount of saturated fats in your diet (which usually means less red meat).
2. Exercise more.
3. Drink warm or cold beverages.

Attacks And Drinking Warm Water
This is a very good article. Not only about warm water after your meal, but about Heart Attacks.
The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It's nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.. Be aware of intense painin the jawline. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack .
Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we can survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

What men should know about women.

As I think about the man list from my previous post I thought that the photo on the right actually explains it all.

As I am now an "empty nester" I have more time to consider male thought processes. Even though I am old and jaded, I am still dumbfounded by how incredibly stupid men are about how to get women to have sex with them. As an intelligent creature I've pondered this a bit. If I were a man and wanted to have sex with women, who generally aren't as sexually motivated as men, I would endeavor to learn as much as I possibly could about what makes a woman want to have sex. I would earn a friggin' Ph.D. if I had to.

But sadly, in my experience, men seem to want a woman who wants to have sex as though she were a man. He wants her to want to have sex now with no foreplay and to not be bothered if he can't be bothered to bring her satisfaction. Sadly, purveyors of pornography perpetuate this image of the "shemale" sexual being.

Rather than taking any time to consider what it is that motivates a woman, they just sit around a gripe about how hard it is to understand women or complain about how women aren't like men. Here's a news blast for you... if you want to have lots of impersonal and indiscriminate sex with someone go to a gay bar.

Another thing that confuses me is that men expect that any female they want to commit to must be absolutely perfect. A man can be fat, unemployed, poorly dressed, badly groomed with miserable personal hygiene and live with his mother, but the woman he wants to marry must be beautiful, slim, perfectly proportioned with unblemished skin.

She should also want to have sex anytime he wishes and must enjoy oral sex, be a great cook and housekeeper and not mind that he doesn't lift a finger to help out around the house. Also, she should always be responsible for birth control because he's not responsible if she gets pregnant and he didn't want the child.

If you're thinking that I'm an old ugly dried out bitter old hag who never had the chance to have sex, think again. I am old and not as attractive as I used to be but at one time I never had to worry about my next sexual experience. There was always an opportunity. The photo on the left is of me when I was younger and a lot more juicier.

Response to the Man List

I've read the "Man List" a couple of times and it never ceases to piss me off. Tonight I decided to respond. I do not have any expectations that anyone will ever read it, but it still makes me feel good to have responded.

1) Men are not mind readers.
Who asked you to be? Just because you can’t follow an line of reasoning doesn’t mean anyone expects you to read minds.

2) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Learn to fucking sit down when you urinate. You’re not a fucking animal or at a urinal. Standing to pee is residual from when humans lived outside 90% of the time. A toilet was designed to SIT on idiot. Standing to urinate only causes a huge mess which most men don’t bother to clean up.

3) Sunday sports are like a full moon or the changing of the tides. Just let us be.
What? Sports are a force of nature? How could I have gotten so confused? Give me a break... for cryin' out loud.

4) Crying is blackmail.
No, it’s not. Crying is an physical response to an emotional upheaval. It's a fact of life, get over it.

5) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it.
True, subtlety often doesn’t work well in any instance. However, asking for what you want from man often doesn’t work either, so it doesn't really matter.

6) 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Many, not “almost every” question can be answered with a “Yes” or “No.” Okay, then answer this question yes or no: “Have you stopped beating your wife?” Or how about this one: “Would you like taco’s or a blow job?” Or wait, how about this one: “How is your mother?”

I do agree though that when you're talking to a man you should formulate questions that can be answered by single word response. It's easier for them to understand.

7) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Sure, what fucking moron woman would want to have a relationship with a man who would be compassionate and not feel the need to fix everything.

8) Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
Oh, yeah? Obviously you’re not versed in law.

9) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Whatever you do though, don't ask us for our opinion.
Okay, then don’t ask us how you performed sexually. Think about this: 90% of women fake orgasms, so 90% of the time we're just trying to make you feel good and get the fuck out of there. You do the math moron.

10) If we said something that can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
How about just apologizing dick-wad?

11) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Or I can hire someone and get it done the way I want it, instead of you telling me how I want it done or doing it so the problem isn’t solved. The only way to get a man to do anything correctly is pay him.

12) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Whenever possible, leave the remote alone and yes, if I’m watching it, I probably want to continue watching it.

13) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
Christopher Columbus was lost and almost got murdered by his crew. However, when I’m in the vehicle, it’s my time too moron so Q.E.D. someone is asking for directions.

14) The man always drives when a couple is going somewhere. If we let you drive, people will think we lost our licence. It's a guy thing. Deal with it.
No one thinks he lost his license. Men think he’s a pussy and a woman thinks that he drives like a nut.

15) We are in shape - round is a shape.
And when you’re a round shape, don’t expect that I want to go searching for your “unit.

16) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
Yep. Fine, so don’t expect sex to be the same or the same frequency either.

17) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
As do dogs.

18) We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
You don’t remember dates, because you can’t be bothered because everything is about you and your dick.

19) Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good with your dress?
I don’t.

20) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Who said shopping was a sport? You, that’s who. Here’s the deal, an argumentative statement must have a supporting statement. Since you have no supporting this statement there is no point to this argument.

21) Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Fine. However, it would be nice if you did not think of yourself and your penis most of the time. Sometimes… no most of the time, I’m not thinking about your dick.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Naming horses... Get real.

This Craigslist ad makes me nuts...

Besides the mare being unsound and poorly conformed the owner is referencing stallions that are at least 3 but mostly 4 generations back.

Clabber - Foaled 1936
Moon Deck - Foaled 1950
Docs Remedy - Foaled 1973
Docs Hotrodder - Foaled 1963

First off... None of the horses in this mare's background have done anything recently and stallions that have been diluted by 8 shouldn't be counted at all.

Secondly, I'm sick and tired of any horse with any of the following in their name: Doc, Poco, Deck, and Leo. These horses are so, so very dead they don't even stink anymore. Any quarter horse worth it's salt has one or more of these stallions in their lineage.

It just drives me nuts when someone names their horse based on names of horses that we'd have to use the way-back machine to see.


This mare is super flashy and bred up the ying yang. She has everything from Clabber, Moon Deck, Docs Remidy, Docs Hotrodder and more. She is all cow on top and all running on the bottom. She is Blood Bay with a star and no other white, Nice thick mane and tail, stands 16 hh and about 1200 lbs. She has had 2 foals and both were awesome, tall and friendly. Have her last filly at the house so you can see her. She is a great mommy lets you handle the foal with no problem, she carries very good and foals out with easy. She is a easy breeder no hobbles needed. She is open for 2009 and can breed her to my Homozygous Tobiano Stallion for free or leave her open. She has mild navicular in her right front. But with corrective shoes she is ok for light riding. She is safe and sane. My 3 yr old can ride her around the round pen and she is a great baby sitter. She is a very sweet mare and her babies are the same way.
I will take offers for her un-bred but if you want her bred then my price is firm. To view her pedigree:
First picture is her and the second is her filly this year. To see stallion she can be bred to in the spring of 2009 go to under the Stallion Page!!

Please e-mail if you have any questions. Thanks!!

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Chain emails... 'doncha just hate them?

I received the following email from a dear friend. It mostly baloney and dukey.For those of you who read emails like this and believe them without checking the facts, I feel sorry for you. You are probably constantly confused by contradictory information.

It took me 10 seconds to find this:

I did, however take the time to reply to this email. My comments are in red.


Liar, liar, pants on fire....

Cancer Update from John Hopkins:

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

This is true, kind of... actually cancer is a DAILY OCCURRENCE. Due to minute mutations in DNA abnormal cells start to divide abnormally, usually because there
is a defect in the protein that prevents run-away cell division. In a healthy uncompromised person, the immune system takes care of it.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

Wrong! See #1 above.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.


4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

A person develops cancer because they have been compromised somehow. This can occur by with an environmental toxin, genetic predisposition, and environmen
tal exposure to a carcinogen (UV rays are a prime example), age, previous illness, etc. Nutritional deficiencies may contribute to overall health but are NOT the primary causal agent of cancer. Eating well, exercising and being in good health reduce the incidence and severity of cancer and contribute to healing.

This is starting to read like a supplement commercial.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

Maybe... but maybe not. Unfortunately healthy, supplement-taking active vegetarians get cancer also... bummer.

The reason for this are myriad, complex and not well understood, but some causes could be related are error-prone DNA replication and limitations on cell division. I will not bore you with the details of these topics, suffice it to say, all of us are susceptible to these particular cancer causing events. WoooOOOoooOOOO... life causes cancer.... bummer.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tr
act etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

Yes, this is true, but the point of chemotherapy is to kill the cancer prior to killing the patient. Cancer cells reproduce much more rapidly than most cells in the body. I'd rather have dead cancer cells than a dead me. I can heal later...

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

This is also true to some extent, but not all radiation treatments are created equal. Besides, I'd rather have some damaged tissue than be dead.

Consider this: In China there is a town where they have a radium mine (or it could be uranium, I forget) in the smack dab center. The Chinese government being what it is, decided to determine the incidence of cancer in the town (rather than moving the whole town or closing up the mine).

What the scientists discovered was a ring of increased cancer incide
nce near the mine. An expected result.

In a larger circle around the increased incidence of cancer was a ring of LOWER THAN AVERAGE CANCER incidence. Outside of those rings the incidence of cancer was average.

What was happening here you ask? The radium levels in the second ring were therapeutic. Meaning the radiation was not enough to cause damage to tissues but it was enough to prevent cancer cells from spreading.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

Again, this is partially correct. Once the tumor has shrunken, the immune system can take over and take care of the balance of the cancer cells. However, this would require that the person get healthy ASAP after treatment. No, sitting around w
atching Oprah and eating Ding Dongs, Ho Ho's and Twinkies.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

This is yet another truism taken out of context. Yes, a person who has received anti-cancer treatments is more likely to succumb to opportunistic infections, but it does not have to be true. Again, it's better than being dead

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

hat. Surgery cannot cause cancer cells to spread. Cancer cells that have a tendency to metastasize spread more easily when the host (a human) is compromised.

All tumors, no matter the size, secrete endostatin, which prevents other metastases to grow. However, tumors, no matter the size, ALSO secrete angiostatin which promotes tumor growth. The endostatin from the larger tumor prevents the smaller metastases from growing. Removing the main tumor removes the source of the growth inhibiting endostatin and therefore the metastases may increase in growth.

Unfortunately all tumors, no matter what their size, secrete angiostatin, which promotes tumor growth. Therefore, if you have a large primary tumor and only microscopic metastases, the endostatin produced by the large tumor may prevent the metastases from growing. Removing the main tumor removes the source of growth-inhibiting endostatin, and the metastases, which produce angiostatin, may continue to grow.

However, why would you leave the large tumor? So that it could remain to produce more metastases? What kind of fucked-up thinking is that? If you remove the source of the metastases, then you have a better chance of defeating the smaller tumors.

I can't imagine the thought processes of a person who considers leaving a large metathesizing tumor in the body so that it can prevent other tumors from getting bigger. The logic of that is mind-numbing. It does not take into consideration that EVENTUALLY the small tumors will produce enough cells to become a large tumor and will no longer be prevented from becoming a big metathesizing tumor.

Although it's possible that during surgery your doctor may find the cancer more widespread than previously thought, an operation can't cause cancer to spread nor can it cause cancer to start. Don't delay or refuse treatment because of this myth. Surgically removing cancer is often the first and most important treatment.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

Uh, huh. I suppose this is true. The healthier the diet, the less likely you are develop cancer.


I knew it! Health food advertisment.

a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color. Better alternative is Bragg's amino or sea salt.

Repeat after me... Sugar is sugar is sugar is sugar is sugar.

Honey and molasses contain sugars. Use all sugar products in moderation. Repeat after me: MODERATION IN ALL THINGS.

Yes, it has occurred to me that my previous statement about watching talk show (that often propagate this type of pap) and eating sweet foods may be contradictory to this statement. It's not if you take the "moderation" statement into account.

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastrointestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweete
ned soya milk cancer cells are being starved.

This myth is older than dirt. Milk does not produce mucus UNLESS YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO IT. Cancer does not feed on mucus EVER, mucus is too large to enter a cancer cell and cancer cells do not have mouthes with which to eat mucus. Cancer is fed by absorbing the nutrition in your cells and blood. Mucus is too large to be absorbed by cells. Mucus is NOT produced by all cells, nor is it floating around in the system available for cancer cells to "feed on".

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains
livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all
harmful, especially to people with cancer.

Cancer cells produce acid as part of growth. They do not thrive in an acidic environment. It is part of the physiology of the cancer cells. Duh!

Sure, eat more fish and die of mercury poisoning... Really. Do eat meat, but not more than three times per week. You don't need more than that. Also, it would be better to reduce your intake of fatty beef and pork, but dang... what about my personal favorite… beef jerky?

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment . About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (
40 degrees C).

Yes, yes, yes! Eat more veggies and whole grains and drink veggie and fruit juices. It is healthier.

Enzymes are also destroyed or deactivated by the pH of the stomach at a nice low, very acidic pH of 2.

Hmmmm, we dilemma here if acidic systems are more prone to cancer, why then is stomach cancer not more common? The stomach protects itself from the acidic environment by producing mucus, which we have previously been told is “cancer food”. Jeez, we’ve got a major logical issue here.

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine.
Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water- best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

Why is caffeine in coffee, tea and chocolate worse for you than green tea caffeine? This is some fucked up logic. Drink caffeinated green tea because it has antioxidants to do what? Balance the cancer causing effects of caffeine? To date, there is no solid evidence that caffeine does not cause cancer. But remember:

Distilled water is NOT acid, you dope! Who wrote this shit?

True distilled water is neutral at pH 7.0 and has NO ions or impurities. It tastes like crap but it's pH neutral and clean. If distilled water is acidic it is because it has been left open and has absorbed carbon dioxide ions forming carbonic acid.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrefied and leads to more toxic build-up.

More bullshit. There is NO evidence that meat builds up in the intestines unless you have an intestinal issue and then EVERYTHING builds up in the intestines and causes toxicity. Then you die.

Human excrete proteases and can digest meat. Humans are omnivores. It's best not to eat pounds of meat weekly, but we can and do digest meat easily. Actually gut motility slows down with increase meat consumption because... get this: there is no fiber in meat.

There is a caveat. People who have been vegetarians for a while have a difficult time processing meat because their bodies have gotten out of
the habit of producing proteases.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

Okay, cancer cells DO NOT HAVE CELL WALLS! Plant cells have cell walls. Animal cells have CELL MEMBRANES, dipstick. All cell membranes are proteinaceous in nature. Cancer cells do not have a tough protein covering (maybe this is where the beef jerky comes in).

How does eating less meat free "more" enzymes to attack cancer cells? WTF?

Which enzymes, the proteases? Proteases do not kill cancer cells. The body's immune system attacks and kills cancer cells. I'm assuming that is meant by the "killer cells," putatively referring to the killer T cells. (I am aware that the cells of the immune system have proteolytic enzymes, but it they're part of the immune cell, they're not just floating around lysing proteins)

Guess what? The immune system is made up of proteinaceous cells. If you don't eat protein, where are you going to get the components for these cells?

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor ssence,Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

Ahhhh, more advertisments...

So how do you know that the vitamin E you're taking to excess is not causing early apoptosis in your healthy cells... More and more, science is discovering that over supplementing is dangerous and has a toxic results.

Repeat after me:

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

This was something that I could get behind until the fudging bullshit about the acidic environment. Who has the human-pH-meter anyway? If this is
true, how do you explain it when a Buddhist Lama's that dies of cancer? And they do.

However there is evidence that living a peaceful life, no matter your circumstances, leads to a lower incidence of ALL ILLNESSES.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercis
ing daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

Oxygen is good, but oxygen is also toxic.

This comes from the fact that cancer cells have a low rate of respiration, meaning that they don't NEED as much oxygen. There is no evidence that oxygen kills cancer cells. In reality, cancers that have lots of blood flow, and consequently more oxygen, are the cancers that grow and kill quickly

Please refer to #14. In that statement we're supposed to take antioxidants. What do you suppose causes oxidation? That's right boys and girls, oxygen. All oxygen using creatures have antioxidant enzymes to prevent the oxidation of our tissues by oxygen radicals that are part of NORMAL physiology. This is a normal and daily occurrence.

It is possible to be exposed to more oxidizing agents than average. Mushrooms for instance have a high concentration of hydrazines which produce hydrogen peroxide which produces triplet hydrogen which causes the formation of superoxide radicals. Superoxide is a oxidative nightmare, which is why the body has superoxide dismutase, a lovely enzyme that is responsible for detoxifying superoxide.

Oxygen therapy that uses hydrogen peroxides o
nly introduces superoxide radicals into the body, thereby increasing oxidation of cells plus possibly causing an embolism.

This is a photo of my family and I meditating on a life well lived and consuming antioxidant rich red wine.


1. No plastic containers in micro.
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Well okay... whatever.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters.

No… It did not.

This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well.

Wrong again.

Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer.

Dioxin causes a fuck of a lot of cancers, especially LIVER CANCER.

Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the
combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food.

You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons. Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

Dioxins are chlorinated hydrocarbons and they do suck. But they are not in food grade plastics. NO FOOD GRADE PLASTIC IS MANUFACTURED WITH DIOXINS. Retard.

If you would like to become informed (shocking) instead of relying on anonymous emails, check out this website:

Now there may be are other chemicals from plastics that leach into foods when heated, but it isn’t dioxin.

Now this has become a Dow Corning™ commercial.

This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life.

Yes, send it to everyone in your life so that the composer can feel a sense of well being, saving us from the evils of medical professionals, cancer treatments and increasing our intake of mercury laden fish while we toxify our bodies with supplements and meditate on a peaceful, blissful life.

If it seems as though I’m not grateful, you are incorrect. I do care that you thought of me when this wildly incorrect information came your way. Thank you... it's nice that you care. If you've read this whole thing and have come to the conclusion that I don't care, you're wrong. I want you all to be thoughtful about what you read and to have correct information when you have to make life saving and changing decisions.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Buying horses

As an equine appraiser, I get lots of questions on how to buy a horse without getting taken. The answer to that is, you can't. I act as a buyer/seller agent for two reasons; first and foremost, it keeps me in the loop on the horse industry. Second, I get to go horse shopping which is the best fun in the world.

If I'm buying a horse or helping someone buy a horse I use this evaluation system. I usually set up an excel spreadsheet and weight the questions by importance to me the intended use of the horse. The relative weight to a question is based on the personal preferences and again, the intended use of the horse. For example, I can’t stand a cribber, therefore if the horse cribs, then I pass the horse by. Obviously conformation issues are more important for a performance horse than for a leisure horse. Also mild lameness can be acceptable depending on the source, type and intended use. Always remember you will rarely find the perfect horse.

Also NEVER BE IN A HURRY TO BUY and DO NOT GET STUCK ON BREED AND/OR COLOR. Obviously, if you're a seasoned horse professional, breed WILL be important but then you wouldn't need this blog's advice either.

If you're not a seasoned professional do not go on the advice of this blog alone. Find an equine professional and solicit help; often they are more than happy to help out and may have a line on a good horse. However be careful of this also, horse people are notorious for manipulating newbies too. So make sure that your selected professional has a good reputation. Local vets often are good source for locating good horse folks.

Read as many books on horses, horse husbandry and equine conformation as you can, but remember reading is NOT a replacement for on the ground horse experience.

Take lessons regularly and from a variety of professionals until you settle on one you like. There is nothing more discouraging to a new rider than a classically trained German equestrian screaming that you’re not taking your riding seriously enough. I’m not saying that you can not benefit from such a trainer, but it would be better to wait until you’re a more confident rider.

Finally we get to the questions! Sometimes you can get the answers to these questions over the phone and many sellers would prefer it if you did rule out their horse prior to coming out to view the animal. But lots of times people don’t really know the answer and you’ll need to go out to see the horse.

The points of most of the following questions are obvious when there is an ambiguity I’ll try to explain it.


1. How long have you owned him? A short period of time is a red flag. Ask them why they're selling him if it's only been a short period of time.
2. Why are selling him? Answers such as "he's too much horse for me" may be an issue or maybe not depending on talent of the owner.
3. What has he been used for? If you're looking for a Dressage or English pleasure horse, it is difficult to cross train a western performance horse; not impossible, but difficult.
4. What have you used him for? A horse that has only been ridden on light hacks may not be suitable for harder work. They may not have the mental capacity, conformation or talent. Also, soundness may become an issue with harder work.
5. Does he load, clip, bathe, shoe, lead, tie easily? This is obvious... however if he does these things with minor complaint then it may not be a problem.
6. What types of injuries has he had? Again, the types of injuries that would rule out some horses for some disciplines do not make a horse valueless for other disciplines. This is where the advice of a seasoned professional is helpful.
7. Is he sound? This is where we get into the “’cept for’s.” Such as “He’s sound, ‘cept for when he’s not shod properly.”
8. Can I talk to your vet? I like this one because if they say no, then I'm outta there. If they don't have a vet them I'm outta there too.
9. Can I see proof of ownership? You want clear and free title to the horse.
10. May I see registration papers? Copies don’t count.
11. Is this a solid price? This may depend on your budget. Lots of folks are asking for more than the horse is worth, what they want, your budget, etc. They may take less. I once rode an honest-to-god 18 hh TB mare with to-die-for conformation that the owner was asking $3,500 for. As annoying as it is for the seller, I rode her even though I only had $1,500. When asked her this question, she asked me what I could spend. She accepted my offer! Turned out the mare had a heart murmur so loud that the vet could hear it before the stethoscope was on the chest, but I don’t think the owner knew it (although it did turn out that she had bought this mare from a breeder for a quick turn around).
12. Do you have any objections with a vet check? Again, if the owner objects to a vet check, leave. Also, if the owner has a list of vets that they won't allow on their property, leave. People who fight with vets about soundness issues often have or have had something to hide.
13. Do you know his previous owner(s) addresses or phone numbers? It's always nice to be able to talk to previous owners; sometimes there are still ownership issues.
14. Does he have any vices? Refer to #7. The “’cept for” enters into this now. Horse folks get used to tolerating behavioral issues for various reasons. The primary reason is that they don’t know how to modify the behavior. There are other reasons to be sure, but some vices such as cribbing often cannot be changed without a lot of training, if at all. Training equals time and time equals money. You have to decide whether you can deal with the vice or can afford the time or money to change it.
15. What is he suited for? Even though many folks do not have a clue as to for what a horse is suited, it is nice to ask what they think. You may be talking to some one who really knows horses and if they think he's suited for H/J and you're looking for a pleasure hack, maybe it's too much horse for your needs.
16. Is he a beginner horse? I love this one, but you must be careful with it. Almost every inexperienced horse person tries to make it sound like you can put anyone on his or her horse. If you've only had horses for 10 minutes you learn that babysitter/packer horses are worth their weight in gold. If you can make the prospective buyer believe that this horse has the potential to be a packer, you may make a sale.
17. Would you put your children/grandchildren on him? This is the proof of question #16. They can lie of course. So this question is a “tell” question. This is when noticing body language is important. You may as well become a student of voice inflection and body language because horses already know and understand it. If you want to become a good horse person, you’re going to need to learn about body language.
Also beware that some 10-year-old girls can ride like demons and are fearless. I’ve had my ass kicked in the open ring by elementary school girls who’ve been riding since they were three-years-old.
18. What type of bit are you using on him and why? This is where you need to know a bit about bits. If you've got a three-year-old riding with a double twisted wire curb gag hack (I made up this bit, although it may exist somewhere), you've got a horse that has been mishandled. End of story.


1. Won't let me talk to the vet or objections to the vet check.
2. Hasn't owned the horse for very long. Again this one isn't written in stone; lots of horse people buy cheap well-trained horses or "fixer uppers" for a quick resale. But I get hinkey feelings if an average horse person is rolling a horse over.
3. The horse hasn't been used for a year or two or three. Besides covering soundness issues, the horse may have been off because no one would ride him.
4. If it's a well papered, proven performance mare and she’s not in the breeding shed. This may not matter if you're just looking for a riding horse, but infertility could be an issue here. Or barring that, she may just be a nutter.
5. The owner doesn't know much about the horse. Refer back to #2.
6. The owner won't ride it. This is a scary one. It may be that the owner is just a bad horse person and the horse has gotten the better of him/her. Or it could be that the horse has just learned some really bad behaviors that are dangerous.
7. Cribbing. I do not buy cribbers. The psychological and physiological issues are a bridge too far for me.


1. The horse should be cool, not warmed up for you. Warming up covers up lameness issues.
2. The horse should be in his paddock/pasture; you want to determine if the horse has any issues with catching or evil paddock vices.
3. You should observe the horse in its pasture/paddock. Look for evidence of lameness such as pointing or leaning; watch to see if the horse is cribbing.
4. You should get the horse out of the paddock/pasture. This is one that I don't enforce all the time because Mo' the Ho' won't come to people she doesn't know. You should go with the owner however and let the owner lead the horse while you watch the horse walk. Look for hitches-in-the-git-along. Look at how it tracks. Check the muscling in the hind and make sure that it's even from side to side.
5. Observe the horse while it's tied. Does the horse stand quietly while being groomed and tacked up? Or does the horse swing around knocking into the owner as if she's not there? How is the horses conformation? Does the horse show the muscular signs of a cribber? Open the horses lips and check the teeth (get to know some tooth age landmarks and what a cribber's teeth look like).
6. If the horse is not cross-tied, ask if the horse has been cross-tied and how it responds to being cross-tied.
7. Ask the owner to bring out clippers and turn them on; observe the result.
8. Ask the owner to pick up all four feet and bang on with a hoof pick as though a shoer was nailing on a shoe. Bad to shoe is bad but is not a deal breaker... for me.
9. Does the horse stand still to be mounted.
10. The owner should ride first and warm the horse up. Look for even gaits and signs of lameness; the head should be relatively still, not dropping or rising with the gait. Does the horse short-step or not rotate over the hoof as it was planted but rather pick it up sooner than the other feet. I've noted that this can be manifested as an outright limp or just a slight short-step.
11. As the owner rides and you're observing behavior. Is he high headed, chargy, spooky, etc. Think to yourself, "Do I REALLY want to ride this horse?" If the answer is anything but a resounding “Yes!” DO NOT RIDE.
12. *IF* you ride the horse, you should have an understanding of what you want. I'd talk it over your experience horse person or your trainer. Have the experienced horse person or trainer there to evaluate the horse if you can. I want a horse to stand quietly to be mounted, to transition easily and to halt easily. It would be nice if the horse was push button trained, but most of us don’t have the dollar$ for that.

Finally, make the deal contingent upon the horse getting in the trailer... AND do not give them any money without a prepurchase contract - EVER.